Who we are
Brigadier-General Raúl Modesto Castro Ruz is the President of Cuba. Raúl Castro was elected President on 24 February 2008. He won on a campaign to look stern, retain his moustache and denounce pancakes as a form of Dutch cultural imperialism. He has a favourite colour but it remains a state secret. Maximum General Castro does not ever speak of the infamous “Warm summer evenings” letters he penned to Penthouse magazine.
Shakespeare the Monkey was plucked from a sweatshop where one million monkeys were randomly smashing typewriters in a useless attempt to re-write some crappy plays by a dead British guy. Shakespeare’s pet peeves are punctuality, accurate spelling, and grammatically correct sentence structure. Favourite quote: “I’m not a monkey, you idiot!”
SALES AND MARKETING
BrilliantOrStupid.com is proud to welcome a new immigrant to our offices. Kim Jong-Il escaped prosecution in North Korea and swam across the Pacific Ocean in order to build a better life in the new world. Although Jong-Il has not earned enough money to buy new clothes yet, he brings wonderful persuasive powers to his new position as sales manager and will surely have a great future with our organization.
Colonel Muammar Gaddafi has been leader of Libya since 1969. He has many things to be proud of but oddly has yet to promote himself to General. Gaddafi has noted his failings in his twice weekly performance reviews, the latest of which read: “Can’t believe I ordered 10,000 cases of ShamWow. I live in a desert for Allah sake! What was I thinking!” Having said that, his morning kickoff meetings are known for flair and energy.
RECEPTIONIST AND FINANCE DIRECTOR
Gillian, our resident chicken, is also a fine receptionist and finance director. Gillian was promoted after her mother was fried up with some mushrooms, onions, and garlic in a red wine sauce. Desperate to please and ready to work long hours, Gillian has been a key member of our executive team for two weeks.
These two bozos can only dream of replacing Gillian the chicken. They don’t have the nerve, the talent, nor the tasty flesh. But they have connections so that’s all that matters. They have one duty: to fetch our coffees. David Forest is a fully government licensed spell checker. David loves to jump and run and play in his weekly bath. Andreas Ohrt can read without moving his lips. Andreas likes small morsels of fish or chicken. He spends his days lounging around on the edge of a sofa, napping away the afternoon, only rising for the occasional bowl of milk.
The way is indeed up. Success is up to you. Up until (That’s enough “up” references: Ed) If you are a dynamic, positive, outgoing to the inside individual or group who yearns for legitimate paper money, rest assured Brilliantorstupid.com, a division of Worldwide Global Mega Media International Corporation (Eskimo division), is a leading company of some sort. So please send us your CV and any looted Nazi gold to firstname.lastname@example.org
WE HAVE A PLAN
This is our plan. Will you join us?