How much electricity do you waste before you even get out of the house every morning? Just to become a semi-functioning half-awake worker bee you have to drain enough power that could easily run an African village for 10 years. Why can’t we combine all our energy-sucking gadgets into one supercomputer that can wake you up, cook your breakfast, check your email/voicemail/weather/traffic and show you some morning porn all for just a few volts of power?
People are suckers for the latest exercise craze (yesterday it was the yoga ball, today it’s the ab chair — what’s next, the yoga twig?!) Yet everyone is cashing in on it except us.
By next week some city out there is going to yank out all the seats in a bus and replace them with yoga matts. “Why sit there doing nothing, when you can exercise your way to work/school/bank machine,” they’ll say, while jacking up the price of a bus fare. Regular bus, $2.75. Yoga Bus $22.95.
Well, we’re not one for being left behind trends (we got rid of our acid wash jeans way before anyone else did!) BrilliantOrStupid.com is proud to present the Fat-loss Spatula. This state-of-the-art ergonomically designed kitchen tool, specially engineered by people wearing white suits and talking formally, has been ‘proven’ to help you lose weight.
It’s also good for colonic irrigations too! Only $54.99 plus taxes, shipping and other fees. Buy one today! Buy two and we promise not to display any more pictures of fat men (we’ve got two on this site and we’d prefer to look at beautiful women, so obviously we’ve got to rein in the editorial operations of this site.) Wait, is it rein or reign? I can’t remember. Just like defence and defense, you see it correctly one day, but the next you’re second guessing the spell check program written by people who have poor communication skills. I’ve lost 4,000 calories typing up rants for this site…
Editor’s Note: hey, fat men are our best customers, can you retract that statement?
Manoi GO, a break-dancing robot from Japan was disqualified from the television show ‘So You Think You Can Dance’ after judges questioned his gender. “We weren’t even sure if Manoi is a girl’s or boy’s name, which is typical of foreigners. After inspecting Manoi GO’s … umm … equipment (I thank you), it was ruled that the robot should be removed from the program,” said the head of the committee who has 20-20 vision.
Manoi GO’s inventor shrugged off the news as he already has plans to begin a TV show called “So You’ve Been Programmed to Dance” which will be similar to Robot Wars but without all the macho posturing.
If that doesn’t work, Manoi GO’s inventor will turn his robots into vibrators. “That should appease the inspectors,” he figures. Click here to buy your breakdancing vibrator.
Private Edmonds stands by his decision to criticise his commanding officer
The US military has begun testing a suit of full-body armour made out of bibles. “You know how Hollywood movies always have a scene where a soldier’s life is saved because he kept a bible in his pocket in the exact spot where he was shot? We normally don’t take our cue from Hollywood films on this, except for maybe this and when we trained dolphins to attack foreign whales, but we figured we have a big budget and need to spend it all on something so we’ll try it out.”
The bibles were baptized before testing began to cleanse them of any evil, then stitched on to the uniform of specially-trained soldiers. ”We hear the Taliban are creating a suit of armour made out of the Koran. Well, we’ll see which army God loves most,” said the general.
Brilliant or Stupid? We smell the beginnings of a fatwa...
It came as a shock to some men (including, erm, us) that women do not like being judged on their looks by men (so what’s with the chicken fillets? You confusin’ us!). And that particularly goes for the gym. If women don’t like being ogled then they should consider not wearing those sexy yoga pants (honestly, they make ANY butt look great — even Rosanne Barr looks hot in yoga pants*). Instead, why not wrap yourself around a large toga-style blanket? Would that turn off men so much that only women would go to yoga class?
Probably not. Men are vultures and will find any excuse to chase skirts/togas, but it’s a nice, endearing thought: that women could enjoy their yoga class without some guy discreetly positioning himself in the back row where he gets the best view. The pervert!
Either way, it could end up creating the world’s worst exercise craze or the world’s best party.
(*Editor’s note: Can we get a source on this? We’re journalists, damn it!)
Brilliant or Stupid? Maybe we should exercise our brains a bit more...
Brilliantorstupid.com is proud to offer this exclusive award-winning mop to the first reader who can tell us how to operate Twitter. Contact us by email, telephone, text message, post, fax, and courier. On second thought, forget it, we don't care anymore.
