Communism’s only success was in creating millions of pointless jobs. From dozens of men in uniform standing guard in parks to make sure statues of Lenin didn’t run away, to old grandmothers pushing the up or down button outside hotel elevators late at night, pointless jobs is the one thing on communism’s central committee-approved checklist that it can be proud of and give the finger to all the other isms out there.
Now it’s Capitalism’s turn. Unemployment is a big global problem (unless you’re employed, that is). That’s why we’ve decided to solve unemployment. Here’s how: Give unemployed people a badge, a vest, and a ticket book and let them bust people who are doing mostly harmless but annoying things that break the city’s by-laws.
Example: The police are too busy to stop that crazy lady from feeding 3,000 pigeons, but some unemployed slob will happily force that woman to spend her next social security cheque on fines instead of bird seed (unless it’s purely for personal, recreational use).
Same goes for thoughtless knobs who don’t pick up their dog’s shit, people who litter and people who give away the endings to TV show and movies in the coffee shop lineups. The city gets more revenue, and we get 50% of the take. Win-win…
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