A group of cheeky orangutans has won the 18th season of Big Brother Zoo edition against their human cousins. The orangutans beat Team Hygiene on all tasks including gossiping, throwing temper tantrums, and having sex in the backyard.
“Ooh-ooh! Orangutan win!, Orangutan win Big Brother! Ahh-ooh!” exclaimed Koko ‘the Monkey’ Chanel. “We beat humans, says TV lady in shiny suit. She say orangutan team won jump-jump contest! And we good-good on finger paints and singing Christmas hymn sing song.”
Executive producer Liz McMuffin made the hasty announcement: “The orangutans won the Big Brother Zoo edition … Please do not touch me … No, I don’t want a banana. No that is my hair. Please, stop. Stop. Stop! FRED, GET THE HOSE!”
Network executives at ABC (the Ape Banana Co-operative) announced the next edition of Big Brother Zoo will begin shooting as soon as they can find enough humans willing to endure the feces throwing that has become the signature move of Team Primate. Word is Lady Gaga is eager to compete. “I’ll just take their crap and make a new outfit out of it,” she told herself in the mirror.
Orangutans: 98% human, 2% ape shit
