The UK Ministry of Defence has closed its department that investigated UFO sightings, claiming that investigating UFO sightings can no longer be justified in these difficult economic times. So there you have it. There are no UFOs so you can put away those Spock ears for good.
See our original post for September 2 below:
UFO’s do not exist and never have, the US military declared today, shattering the daydreams of millions of middle class individuals with too much time on their hands.
“Look, I”m sorry to burst everyone’s enthusiasm and I know Hollywood film studios will attack me for saying this because then they can’t make anymore sci-fi movies, but UFOs have never existed,” said the US military’s top general in charge of Operation Look Up. “Everyone wants to believe in cute ET-like aliens and hope that there is more to life than just us slobs, but we can’t find any. We’re stuck with ourselves. And is that so bad? Rather than waste your time on things that do not exist, why not go talk to your neighbour, go for a nice walk or read a book that doesn’t have anything to do with outer space once in a while.”
Readers of internet blogs and fanzines were shocked by the news and many started crying upon hearing it. ”He’s a monster! We need to believe in something. Leave our Alfs and Klingons alone!” said one UFO enthusiast, who regularly sleeps on the roof of his house and prays nightly to be taken aboard the mothership and prodded lovingly.
