After selling a bag if cheezies to a drunk just past midnight last night Rodriguez Dhaliwal’s world suddenly crumbled around him. “I was just counting out some change to this guy, and it hit me like a bolt of lighting. Money is just paper. This stuff is just paper with numbers on it! All these years I’ve been giving people pop and chips and in exchange all I’ve been getting back is this useless paper. I can’t eat it, can’t drink it. All it’s really good for is wiping my ass. What a huge and massive con I’ve fallen for.”

A phone call to the US president’s economic advisor confirmed the unusual discover.

“It’s true,” said an assistant to the secretary of the economic advisor’s secretary’s assistant. “It used to be worth something more but not lately. We were hoping that nobody would notice.”