Mr Snitt in happier times
Brilliantorstupid.com, a division of Worldwide Global Mega Media Co-Corporation, is proud to announce the appointment of Herbert J Snitt, aged 74, as technology correspondent. In keeping with the tradition of appointing correspondents to cover a field that they have little knowledge about, Mr Snitt knows nothing about technology, but comes highly recommended after serving two terms as the tech adviser to the government of Nova Scotia. He first learned about computers while at the public library last Thursday when his six-year-old grand-daughter helped him search for a book on the proper way to iron your pyjamas.
“My first day at work this punk kid assignment editor asked me if I’m on twitter so I decked him. He smells like a girl anyway, so who’s the twitter now?” Mr Snitt said. “My first column will be about how them laptops look like a kitchen cutting board. How can you trust a computer that’s smaller than a Buick?
“If you like that one, I got plenty more ideas like how to save 3 cents on toothpaste, how to guilt-trip your kids into mowing your lawn, and how to smell like a senior so you can get discounts at them movie halls. Young people are all criminals, taxes are too high and so on.”
“I’ll mail them to you when I’m finished typing ‘em up in about six to eight weeks. I’m sure I’ve got some stamps around here somewhere … wait, just give me a minute … I’ll find them, oh look, there’s that button I lost. Damn, doesn’t fit anymore … do I smell ham and cheese? Mmmm lunch time. Wake me after my nap.”
After writing his first column Mr Snitt plans to sail around the world in his bathtub.
