A global shortage of stairs has erupted as shipments of stairs have all but stopped despite a huge rise in demand for stairs and staircases.
Reports are coming in from across the globe of individuals being stranded on floors above 1, though some have escaped the carnage with the help of firetruck ladders.
Construction companies have resorted to installing giant kiddie slides in the meantime. Health agencies say people are having more fun once they slide down but are confused by how to get back up.
“A mysterious Russian conglomerate has been buying up stair shipments, with what appears to be the tacit approval of the Kremlin,” says Stairs-and-landings.com, a website that tracks shipments and is really interesting considering the extremely dull nature of the industry they cover. “The Russians want to be global leaders in energy and stairs. Once they control those things, they control the world.”
But one industry veteran, who has warned about this for some time and instead uses a hoist to lift himself up, said: “I suspect we are in for a long, long winter of fewer stairs.”
He suggested washing the stairs regularly with warm soapy water and vaccuuming once or twice a month to help prolong the life of stairs. He then provided the accompanying image on the right (to your right that is, not my right) depicting what can happen if people do not take proper care of their stairs.
