It’s official: the 2010 Vancouver-Whistler Winter Olympics has been deemed boring — five months ahead of schedule.
While many believe the competitions are expected to be fun and exciting, many fear the non-sporting events, such as the opening and closing ceremonies, cultural events and public parties intended to show off the city will be boring and embarrassing. “We are so lame. It’s all moose, moose, moose, Bryan Adams, Avril Lavigne, lumberjacks and igloos,” said the official Vancouver Olympics Organizing Committee (Vanoc) statement.
Already the city’s citizenry are gearing up to hang their hang their heads in collective shame.
As one Vancouver resident said: “I’ve put all my family, friends and colleagues’ phone numbers who don’t live here on speed dial. As soon as the Opening Ceremony begins I’m going to call everyone I know and apologise.”
“Belgium is cooler than us!” screamed one hysterical teenager.
Even the city’s newspapers are upset. Columnist Miro Cernnitigg, I mean, Cernet, Cirne, C-I-R-N … um, let me just copy/paste the name in here MIRO CERNETIG, of the Vancouver Sun wrote a front-page plea headlined: ”Can we please make Canada cool in 2010″.
However, provincial bureaucrats have already rejected that idea, saying proposals regarding “coolness” must be submitted early so they can be properly vetted by various committees. Said one belligerent provincial bureaucrat: “Having fun is a privilege not a right!”
