Brilliantorstupid.com: Brilliant ideas for a stupid world.

The Missing Link: How Pope changed hockey forever. Amen

January 15, 2012

Some concussed old-time goalie tries to make some cash by auctioning off the prototype of the World's First Pope Goalie Mask

In this, our second edition of the Missing Link, Andreas proves he’s taken one too many shots to the head with his take on the epic late-1950′s journey of the Pope across the frozen tundra that is the National Hockey League.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

{ 0 comments }

The Missing Link: Cheeseburger Wallpaper

We’ve created a new party game called “The Missing Link,” in which you get two minutes to connect two random words with a story that nobody would ever believe. Unscripted, untested, and possibly unworthy… Have a couple of shots and then listen to this podcast in which David explains the hidden history that binds the humble cheeseburger and the mighty wallpaper.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Our gift to you this Xmas: cheap laughs

In keeping with the warm and fuzzies of the holiday season, we asked our listeners to send us their brilliant ideas to make the world a slightly less stupid place for Christmas. Didn’t work… But at least they provided us with some cheap laughs at their expense, and laughing at other people always brightens the [...]

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Tonight on Prison TV: Dancing with the Guards

Prisoners get to watch all sorts of crap TV in jail but is that a good thing? They should not be allowed to watch shows that angers up the blood like UFC fights and Fox News. Here’s an innocent idea: let the prisoners have their own TV shows like Extreme Makeover: Prison Edition or Improv at the Parole Board Hearing.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Our first call-in show!

Back in the last millenium we threatened to record a call-in show. Well, here it is. Sorry, you had to wait this long for a piece of crap. Never again… BTW, Don’t blame us that only racist stereotypes call our show.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Our vision for a beautiful world

If Hitler had been a beautiful woman, they would have let her have all of Europe and Russia and Britain to boot, and we never would have had to suffer through World War II. Unless we’re missing something, this makes perfect sense.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Porn + Olympics = GOLD!

3.8 billion people watch the Olympics every four years. 7 billion people watch porn every four minutes. Does this pitch need any more elaboration?

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Porn site shuts itself down

A pornography website was forced to shut itself down today because the staff became too addicted to viewing porn. “Nobody could get any work done. We spent all our time wanking,” said the CEO who was pulling up his pants.

It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s SaunaMan!

On today’s podcast our guest from Finland brought along an irritating Finnish accent and a pitch for a new superhero: SaunaMan.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

New Sitcom idea: Wang in Walla Walla

Lil Wang, an 8-year-old Chinese labourer is transferred to Walla Walla, Washington, to teach incompetent Americans how to build gadgets for China’s new chain of Renminbi Stores. We could write more on this but it’s easier to ask you to hit the play button below.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Freak Tank: Where numbskulls pitch ideas

Reality TV shows like Dragon’s Den and Shark Tank leave out the flakes and kookoos even thought they might have a decent idea. That’s not fair. There should also be a show for the droolers and nutbars to pitch their flaky ideas. We’d call it Freak Tank.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

The truth about quickies

A quickie lesson for the youngsters from a couple of grizzled old veterans. Don’t beat yourself up trying to please a lady in bed. She’ll be just as happy to get your sweaty body off her as soon as possible. You’re not the only one who’d rather be watching TV.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Search for missing elderly dictator continues

Reuters – Libyan rebels continue to search for Colonel Muammar Gaddafi near the town of Sirte as concern grows for the 69-year-old who is trying to make ends meet on a small pension. “He needs his pills,” said one rebel commander.

Podcast for the mentally deranged

In this, our first-ever attempt at a video podcast (and it shows!) we finally figure out who our target audience is. Too bad they got no cash…

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

North Korea shows the way… backward

The global economic recovery isn’t going as planned. Maybe it’s time to take a page out of a country known for deliberately lacking pizzazz. North Korea seems to be the only country sleep walking through this recession.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Delicious ideas for a stinky world

Hey deodorant companies! I don’t want to smell like honeysuckle, rosehip, patchoulie or Penelope Cruz. Can’t you make a Coconut Curry Body Wash?

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Andreas picks his favourite podcast

You’ve watched him pick his nose… You’ve watched him pick his scabs… You’ve watched him pick his ass… No watch him pick his favourite podcast!

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Move the &$#ing delete key!

We had a great post written here but we fucking deleted it by accident and can’t get it back. Listen to the podcast instead. Fuck, fuck, shitballs..

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Quit coddling wild animals — bring back zoos!

Zoos are due for a comeback. But first, kids today need some pizzazz. A lightshow by the lion cage and an all-zebra Abba tribute band are a good start. Or how about an ironic zoo for all the cool urban kids?

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Can big dumb beasts do comedy? Kevin James says yes

Did dinosaurs have a sense of humour? Did they revel in fart jokes and laugh up-roar-iously (roar, geddit?!) when one of them slipped on a banana? We don’t know because science hasn’t looked into it yet.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Pfft! You call that a riot?

Must be a slow news summer if the world’s media outlets give up space to a bunch of drunken Canadian hockey fans. Since when is smashing up a drug store and burning a couple of cars more important than Lindsey Lohen’s latest bender? Is it even a riot if the water cannons and tasers don’t [...]

New Suits!

OK, the title has absolutely nothing to do with this podcast. But that’s fine because this terrible podcast is beneath any write-up. So listen and enjoy!

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

More brilliant ideas hit the real world

We told you to steal our ideas before someone else does. Well these guys have and their probably super loaded right now.

Turn your old junk into steak and coffee

Scientists are so boring. Now they’re working on teleporting a photon of light. Thrills! We have a way better idea. Teleport that useless junk stuffed under our beds and then transmogrify it into a juicy steak dinner or a mocha java.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Arcticland! The coldest place on Earth

Stephen Harper loves the Arctic. He originally planned to move the capital to the tundra but can’t until Google Street View maps out the terrain for us. Never mind, we have a better idea: Arcticland!

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Unemployed? Why not create your own job?

There are more annoying people out there than unemployed. Time to address that situation. Give the jobless a ticket book and get them to fine people who do annoying things.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

The next great Superhero: Savant Man!

Hey, burned-out directors, we’ve got a new superhero movie idea: Evil scientist is forced to take care of his idiot savant nephew. Think X-Men meets Rain Man

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

An offer you can’t refuse (to watch)

Because no intelligent human would watch a commercial of his or her own free will, marketing firms of the future will be forced to find ways that force you to watch their stupid advertising.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Ring, ring! No one’s home — You been call rejected!

We have caller ID, call display, and other features we never use. So how about a truly needy service: Call Rejected. Press a button and you will never receive annoying calls from telemarketers, heavy breathers, and distant relatives wanting cash.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

26 Words You Can’t Say in the Future

B-word or S-word? Listen to the pod then call us the R-word…

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Want pot legalized? Get ‘The Man’ on board

Here’s a lesson in salesmanship: Do you think those two conmen who allegedly separately ‘sold’ the Brooklyn Bridge to naive tourists around the early 20th century, approached their marks while wearing cut-off jeans, 20-year-old bargain bin sandals and a beaten-up, pit-stained Grateful Dead T-shirt? No, of course not. So read on and listen to our wild idea.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

‘Nothing From The Future’ Shop

The “Future Shop” doesn’t have anything to do with the future, but merely sells electronics that were futuristic about 20 years ago. OK, so what if this has nothing to do with ideas, we’re allowed to just moan about shit too.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Culture Clubs

You go into any town and guaranteed some expat Brit or Irish lad will have set up a token Irish bar or a token Beatles-themed joint. Whatever. They’re all fine. But how come other cultures don’t take advantage of their own cultural icons and export them around the world? A critically important question right?

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Regulate religion before it regulates you

Any nutbar can create a religion. Then that priest or vicar or sheikh or rabbi or druid can go around and preach anything that “God” pops into their heads. Doesn’t that seem wrong? We think so.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

CNN: The most Crusty Name In News

CNN is passe. How about instead the ONN: The Old News Network. Simply rerun old news that you know is a ratings winner. Michael Jackson’s death, the O.J. trial, the Space Shuttle explosion, 9/11. Sort of like the greatest hits of news!

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

The Invention of Dying

If you can’t get us a meeting with Ricky Gervais don’t bother reading this idea. Because we have the greatest idea for a sequel to “The Invention of Lying.”

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Invent these, get rich, send us some cash

Admit it, you’ve always wanted to be a crazy inventor and get huge royalty cheques brought to your house by Ed McMahon. Too bad you don’t have any ideas. Well here you go. We have ideas but no skills. So start building.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Waterguns — America’s last line of defense

Thanks to the National Rifle Association’s commitment to upholding the right of every American child to own a water gun, the US military has noticed a dramatic improvement in kids’ target shooting practice.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Career Advice for the Drunk and Hungover

Why expend all that energy staying sober so that you don’t get fired? Why not get a job where you are more effective after a few drinks? Or how about a job where showing up hungover doesn’t affect your work performance at all?

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

The Ex-Con Loyalty Card and Talk Show

Has anyone noticed that we do way too many podcasts on prisoners and jail? Probably because we expect to end up there one day….

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

The Never-Ending Story — for real this time

Here’s a new idea that virtually anyone with a video camera can do. Break the world’s record for longest movie ever made. Come on, you got time on your hands. Don’t waste it playing video games when you can film yourself playing video games. Be proactive, dammit!

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Lasting images from the World Cup of Fruit

With Spain winning this year’s World Cup of Fruit we can now brag that the small, stupid idea we had all those years ago (listen to the podcast below: Time to Sex Up Fruit?) has finally become a global phenomena! Next up: Vuvuzela hip-hop. By the way, Cornell university researchers discovered that if you put fruit in brightly lit baskets kids would eat them. Isn’t higher edumacation great?

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

If you’re going to punish yourself, do it with pizzazz

If you’re fat like us, you need more motivation at the gym. What better way to get back into shape than exercising under the constant threat of physical harm?

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Scientists seek the fountain of youthlessness

Stupid scientists. First they ruin sex with their biology textbooks, and now they are working on a drug that will let us live for hundreds of years.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Lost, The Reality Show

Now that “Lost” is over it would be a shame to let such a money-making franchise go to pot. That’s why we need to find J.J. Abrams’ phone number so we can pitch him the next great reality TV show.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Can’t decide? Try the one-item restaurant

When mom used to call us in for dinner we knew what was waiting for us: Monday was meatloaf night, Tuesday was spaghetti and meatballs and so on. Life was good, but then chefs had to get all cocky and create thousands of dishes. We’re spoiled for choice in the west. Time to simplify things. Welcome to the one-item restaurant.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Brad Pitt’s kidneys for sale, get ‘em while he’s still hot

We suggest one of our enterprising readers create the Celebrity Cloned Organ Bank. The supply of cloned organs is endless, just like the supply of star-struck idiots with too much disposable income.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Steal this idea: Subliminal dog training tapes

There is one money-making venture that has yet to be done: subliminal training CDs for dogs. It’s a natural fit. Dogs need training, and dog owners need useless junk to spend their money on.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Don’t donate your organs, hoard them

Doctors have been known to remove your appendix without asking (it’s under “Miscellaneous” on your hospital bill). But what if we need them in the future? You could keep one healthy appendix so that it could be cloned in the future. Where’s the harm in that? Haven’t you ever thrown out a pair of jeans or shoes and then realized oh, wait I could’ve used them now. Like Joni Mitchell sang in the ode to her kidney “you don’t know what you got til it’s gone”.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Coma Air — the world’s quietest airline

Customer: Hi, I’d like a return ticket to Paris. Airline sales agent: Certainly, however, I am required to disclose there are extra charges for luggage. Customer: Yeah, figured there might be. Sales agent: Did I say luggage? I meant legroom. And meals. And beverages, though water is complimentary with a purchase from our duty free [...]

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Ma’am, may I see your licence to live?

School doesn’t teach real life skills, so how do you know if the person in the next cubicle is capable of making microwave popcorn without burning down the kitchen? You don’t, obviously. In fact, if you’re about to hire new staff make sure they can perform this vital office function. But we digress: the point [...]

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Cereal Mascots + Superhero Movies = Hollywood Gold!

WARNING: BrilliantOrStupid.com has been issued a “cease & desist” order from Kellogg’s to stop using their characters in our podcasts. Of course, the net worth of our company is well below zero so we’re not too worried about losing it all in a court case. You, however, might have some money in a jar somewhere [...]

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Exciting Canada: two words you never thought you’d see together

Canada might be the most boring country on Earth. But at least we can be rich. Actually, these ideas will make us rich and exciting. Super Thrilling Idea #1: Rent-a-Nation Since we have vast amounts of inhospitable wasteland, we could sell off pieces of our country to people who want to form their own nation [...]

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Searching for God? There’s an app for that

Our Father, who art in electronics shop hallowed be thy domain name Thy kingdom come in and browse. Thy will be done, for a price* On earth as it is in cyberspace. Give us this day our daily app. And forgive us our porn trespasses, As we forgive those who Facebook tag us. And lead [...]

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

They’ve tried the best, now try the rest

Palestinians grow a pair, decide to join UN club

Salam Fayyad, the prime minister of the Palestinian Authority, has never held a gun nor been arrested, which is quite an accomplishment for someone who lives in a ‘hood that last saw peace in 1928 1853 1603 the middle ages 67 A.D 2500 B.C. just a few minutes before Cain found a rock big enough to [...]

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Cure your spoiled brat with a vacation at Dangerland

Kids have it way too easy these days. Their moms drive them to school. They get to eat cheeseburgers for lunch (not fair. All us old guys ever had was leftover baloney). Nobody is allowed to hit them. And there is free porn available on every computer — honestly, they have no idea how hard [...]

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

This podcast sucks — must have been made in China

I got what I wanted for my seventh birthday! My granny is sending me to Shanghai to start my first job! I have dreamt of leaving the rice paddies for half of my life, and now I’m going to the big city. I’ll do my big sister’s job. Her hands are too big to get [...]

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Squeegee Kids go corporate

Squeegee kids are clearly not professional. Everything about them is amateur: the dreadlocks, the nose rings, the lack of a decent pension plan. They could use some professional guidance, say in the form of a pimp or a corporation that could exploit them in exchange for minimum wage and a vest emblazoned with advertising. Just think [...]

Podcast: Play in new window | Download